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logogen 05:43:51::16:07:2010 --

[memoryissues,standby]
Hah.

That's about all you can say; mutter it to yourself, mask it in the flick of a lighter, the pull of smoke through your lips.

I make the noise, do the rituals. None of that has any bearing, none of it offers me ease. Instead, I wearily spin a coin around my fingertip. Stop it on a head, slide it across to join the others and buy another drink. Lager, cold enough that I can watch flies die in the condensation in frozen bliss. Cold enough that I can wipe it clear.

A smile cracks my lips, too dry but for alcohol. Sometimes life can reflect itself in strange ways - you know, better than anyone. Right?

Sometimes, life can reflect itself. Like the face you see most days can seem behind a bubble, superimposed with all the memories and associations of years gone past. That's a bubble you want to keep intact, but the sensible part of your body tells you, needs you to drop that weight or carry it; each as needs go by.

But why carry it, I reason? Sometimes it feels good to punish yourself. To carry the weight and responsiblity for times gone by solely on yourself; blame, hurt, pain. All the good parts. Yeah, sometimes it does.

Sometimes you just have to set it on fire, and watch the flames go up into the stars. Feel whatever you will, instead. Relief, redemption, atonement.

The part that makes me smile is that sometimes I'm not sure which I'm more deserving of.

Then I watch the flames and look through to the other side.

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start -- flow free

flow -- and they have no meaning; lax; make your own sense of our words; you know that feeling? yeah, you know; hypodermic synthetic anaesthasia; pain analogue; breathe; sense of loss; distance; depression; need an easier way to add; must write; yet cannot, easier way to create a muse, find my muse; someone to whisper in my ear in the darkness, informative; scour the electronic wilderness for inspiration, find only vapid, useless talk; unenlightened masses, useless to believe; useless to behold; swaying popular opinion by being herded like cattle; fuck me; stupidity should be punishable by death; taxi drivers that drive like lunatics; crutches, clicking; queues; herds; swarms; collective mentality of a kleptomanic two year old twin; evolve; evolve lest ye be left behind; boredom prevails; as ever; look happy, kids; devour(); random sounds; burger; mmm, burger; meat; seperate the users from the whores; good at that; music gone; for living; they're watching; begin(); buried; and you know that we are yours; end it all; clever reminder; fading fucking reminder; sequential art; broken; and laugh as realisation comes; watch the babble; some sort of art; run, run, run, run; feed fight fuck; and noise to nothingness; solo; peaking; meat; dog; international security; finality; and you know you want it; ringing in my ears; and on; enjoy it whilst it lasts; joy; and there's the rub; again; cut; drink; chew; hunger; and this is it; 5% But yet 55 ; count; counter; working; laziness; 55 psychomindfuck; reversed order; nonsensical; no order; burn; remember the time; remember the life; remember the love; remember the end; smile; and finally 5% ; depression, again; anew; feel aggrieved; this is a maxim for life; feed us; need it; live it; entertainment in flow; joy; kill; meat; devour; depart; here; yeah; laugh as you cry; mental outpourings; like liquid, like the beer next to me; sewerage, a torrent; vile, useless fucking thoughts; hidden gems; boredom, keeping track, things that must be remembered lest they be abandoned; need; let me help you hold the gun against your head; belief; hard chair; pain, anguish, uncertainty; razorblade smile; sixteen miles to go, seventeen, and in reverse we find ourselves; and typing nothing, meaning nothing, just words; find the wisdom; read it without; breathe; brush of lips on eyelids; i'm looking forward to it, too; two weeks, it'll be, two weeks today in fact; then i can move again; et al; time to write; to flow; burn in hell; deliverance; continuation; new message; read; view; reply; send; live again; live; as on television; as on radio; meaning; life; love; need it; cacacacacacacacaphony; outpouring of thoughts into coherence, here, but not meant to last long; not meant to last long at all, in fact, soon hidden in the morass, the emptiness; driven into nothing; see this; it's gone before you register; show me how; back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now; snowing; dark outside, cold; biting wind; streetlight; telephone, coarse tones; answer; grey would be the colour; embrace me; die; end; so pure; so rare; ended; chuckle; smile; laugh; breathe; live; randomise; feel the warmth inside your whole; put on a good show; and flow; flow; flow with thought during the day; at night; at random times, drunk, sober; altered, sane; broken, fixed; flowing thoughts; liquid dreams; the usual; pint please; reflow; redesign the organised; reflections on glass; bitten by a snake; and this is the way that this day ends; revise; saturday sunday monday die; satan does not "do" ponies; believe that this is your life; know it is; heart/mind/body/soul; hatred like a river; something offensive; what do we care; fall from grace; forgiven; forgotten; forlorn; here; there; don't you love me, children; don't you dare; tilt your head back; open your mouth wide; fill your lungs; note to self; update, avante; lead us not into; 5% fading fucking reminder; tell me; change of music, musician; lyrical flow, different to this; muse; think on that; scenting from below; approaching meal; painful seat; need to drink, feed fight fuck; see me; i'm you; you're me; i express what you cannot; deal with it, kid; gone; random; stream of consciousness; flow; stop; once upon a time; read this in order; note to self; finish what you begin; dance with me; dance, bitch; dance; (x); exeunt; feedfightfuck; feel mistaken; the sum of collected memories, abstract thought processes, random electrical impulses. god's will, pure chance, pure thought; whatever. we are what we are, each and every one of us the same; shells for life, movement, feeding, fighting, fucking, animalia. touch upon this, sit back, think; brood. explore, travel, return; brood. realise that you don't matter in the scheme of things; self esteem subtracted, useless. become self aware; realistic goals, don't conform. why conform? outside pressure, moving in upon you. surround me; not with a bang but a bang but a bang; fall; plastic; sudden tone, buzz; vibration; metal; glow; meaning there; we care, oh we care; convey that; continuation; the drugs decide; and you know that this is it; new world or ...

start -- flow free

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