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logogen 05:43:51::16:07:2010 --

[memoryissues,standby]
Hah.

That's about all you can say; mutter it to yourself, mask it in the flick of a lighter, the pull of smoke through your lips.

I make the noise, do the rituals. None of that has any bearing, none of it offers me ease. Instead, I wearily spin a coin around my fingertip. Stop it on a head, slide it across to join the others and buy another drink. Lager, cold enough that I can watch flies die in the condensation in frozen bliss. Cold enough that I can wipe it clear.

A smile cracks my lips, too dry but for alcohol. Sometimes life can reflect itself in strange ways - you know, better than anyone. Right?

Sometimes, life can reflect itself. Like the face you see most days can seem behind a bubble, superimposed with all the memories and associations of years gone past. That's a bubble you want to keep intact, but the sensible part of your body tells you, needs you to drop that weight or carry it; each as needs go by.

But why carry it, I reason? Sometimes it feels good to punish yourself. To carry the weight and responsiblity for times gone by solely on yourself; blame, hurt, pain. All the good parts. Yeah, sometimes it does.

Sometimes you just have to set it on fire, and watch the flames go up into the stars. Feel whatever you will, instead. Relief, redemption, atonement.

The part that makes me smile is that sometimes I'm not sure which I'm more deserving of.

Then I watch the flames and look through to the other side.

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start -- flow free

flow -- and they have no meaning; count; counter; working; laugh anew; tears streaming down your face; mess; all over; lack of floor; you know that feeling? yeah, you know; evolve; evolve lest ye be left behind; here; there; continuation; amusement++; evolution; With 55%; return; explanation here; feel mistaken; remember the start; read it without; end; need an easier way to add; must write; yet cannot, easier way to create a muse, find my muse; someone to whisper in my ear in the darkness, informative; scour the electronic wilderness for inspiration, find only vapid, useless talk; unenlightened masses, useless to believe; useless to behold; swaying popular opinion by being herded like cattle; fuck me; stupidity should be punishable by death; taxi drivers that drive like lunatics; crutches, clicking; queues; herds; swarms; collective mentality of a kleptomanic two year old twin; deception_always; terrible drunken state; feelgood factor (increase); watch the babble; feel the warmth inside your whole; no; burn; sleep; dormire; required; invitation; and you know that this is it; die; end; smile; look right; feed us; something offensive; lunch++; leather; plastic movement; international security; smile; metal bar through flesh; spit; spit; spit; and this is the way that this day ends; jesus lies; and that's the way the world ends, i guess; not with a whimper, not with a bang, just nothing; angels; so pure; so rare; note to self; update, avante; randomise; look happy, kids; continuation; gone; random; stream of consciousness; flow; (x); sex; drugs; and completion; lies; sequential art; broken; kill; meat; devour; reversed order; nonsensical; no order; break++; clever reminder; fading fucking reminder; laziness; mental outpourings; like liquid, like the beer next to me; sewerage, a torrent; vile, useless fucking thoughts; hidden gems; boredom, keeping track, things that must be remembered lest they be abandoned; need; let me help you hold the gun against your head; belief; hard chair; pain, anguish, uncertainty; razorblade smile; sixteen miles to go, seventeen, and in reverse we find ourselves; and typing nothing, meaning nothing, just words; find the wisdom; for living; and so here we go; breathe; cut; drink; chew; hunger; 14325324534; rwar; reflections on glass; brush of lips on eyelids; plastic; sudden tone, buzz; vibration; metal; glow; self esteem; horror; and laugh as realisation comes; and you know you want it; buried; depression, again; anew; feel aggrieved; and there's the rub; animosity; anathema; random words, together making poetry; or nothingness; what was first becomes last, forges new links, takes new meaning; means nothing in the end; shitting bats; ignorance is bliss, as i'll say again; feel the pain, the lack of pain, the analgesic; emptiness; disbelief; devour(); corpse; and this is it; welcome to the new reality; tilt your head back; open your mouth wide; fill your lungs; live; make your own sense of our words; read this in order; random sounds; back(again); belief-; and noise to nothingness; ended; note to self; finish what you begin; deliverance; don't you love me, children; don't you dare; go; joy is all there is; entertainment in flow; again; depart; waiting more than two weeks; annoyance felt; snarl; and you are ours; you belong to us; unto more; enjoy it whilst it lasts; good at that; time to write; to flow; always; breathe; reminder:-- noctu waits; 5% false architecture; false art; you make this all go away; you make this all go away; bury me in hatred; sense of loss; distance; depression; solo; peaking; this is a maxim for life; fuck rock and roll; what we need is obvious; hatred like a river; breathe; meaning there; dog; boredom prevails; as ever; slay; not with a bang but a bang but a bang; stop; lead us not into; creation_defined; burn in hell; dance with me; dance, bitch; dance; live again; live; as on television; as on radio; r-o-ll-ll-ll-ll-ll with it; anti-animosity; smile; outpouring of thoughts into coherence, here, but not meant to last long; not meant to last long at all, in fact, soon hidden in the morass, the emptiness; driven into nothing; see this; it's gone before you register; show me how; back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now; snowing; dark outside, cold; biting wind; streetlight; telephone, coarse tones; answer; grey would be the colour; put on a good show; yes; it is obfuscated; but there is truth here; fall from grace; forgiven; forgotten; forlorn; broken; now be fixed; we care, oh we care; convey that; here; dream; believe that this is your life; know it is; But yet 55 ; and finally 5% ; need it; the drugs decide; live; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; buy; consumerism is our devotion; lick; love; like; bladed joy; they're watching; depart; twinkle; time wasting; 55 some sort of art; run, run, run, run; feed fight fuck; split words, split phrases; easy; hypodermic synthetic anaesthasia; pain analogue; abandonment; silence; required; yeah; tears of joy; time to leave; exception report; meaning; life; love; less than 1% fall; heart/mind/body/soul; music gone; despise; satan does not "do" ponies; c ...

start -- flow free

ikke Andy Millar er00 Millar

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